I have always been scared of blowing up a balloon in case it burst before I tied it. With 4 children you can imagine how often in their early years, I was required to do just that. I am sure many of you can relate to the experience of seeing the excitement in a childs eyes as you were blowing one up. 😊 And their attempts to blow one up…. Then that beaming smile when it actually started to inflate. What is it about balloons that makes us smile?
This morning as I sat with my friend at an auction, my eyes kept being drawn towards the back of an ornament that was in the sale. I had seen the front of it when I was looking around earlier, and thought what a nice smile on the characters face. She was holding colourful balloons. I had no intention of bidding on it. Ornaments are now just another thing that needs dusting to me. But again and again my eyes were drawn to it.
Prior to that I had tried on a beautiful diamond ring and commented to Wendy how pretty it looked on my short stubby fingers. Diamond rings…colourful ornaments. So different to what I usually look at. I am all for the £1 to £5 bargains and only if something useful.
‘You are entering a new season. Like at the beginning of Spring, when just a glimpse on a flower bud of its colour can be seen. So it is for you now. God is going to bless you so much. This will be a beautiful season’. Just one of the encouraging words I received at prayer meeting before I started my walk last year. Since then, slowly and gently God has been healing my heart….. the bud started to open.
I chose a blue balloon for Ken… That was in May 2017 (or was it 2016?)…..when, (reluctantly and with great anxiety), I went to a Bereaved Parents support weekend… On the last day, just before lunch we had written a message to our child and attached it to a balloon…. We stood together in the garden of the hotel and at the same time we let our balloons go…. Tears rolled down my cheeks…. I watched that balloon rise until it was just a speck… kept looking even when I could no longer see it…..
Colour…. The colour of the balloons on the ornament just kept captivating me…. . coming out of the dark….. ‘ Wendy that ornament with the balloons is significant. I might bid on it. I feel like God is telling me that I am out of the darkness and its time for colour in my life again’. Saying that brings a pang in my heart… Ken….. I have not and never will forget you…. ‘I don’t want it to be a day..a month… a year…I want time to stand still’ I said that so often…. No I do not want it to be 5 years since Ken went to be with the Lord…. But it will be in July. I am still breathing… I am doing more than just about functioning now…. My heart can feel again……I recently started a new job so am back to work, if only few hours a week…… Ken would be so pleased…. I could not make time stand still….. I find tears coming again now…. Not the heart wrenching agony with them…… such mixed emotions…. Thank you Lord for carrying me….. for holding me in your arms…..
I knew maximum I could bid for the Lady with the balloons… well below what the expected value was but if I was meant to have her it would be enough. Auctioneer called out ‘who will give me £10 to start?’ ‘£10 looking for £12’ up it went… I was out of the bidding almost at the start. ‘I have £** in the room. Any one going to give me £**. No? Going to the lady in the room for £** once..twice… sold’ Bang went the hammer. ‘Whats your number madam?’ Wendy held up her number’……… turned to me and said ‘My present to you dear friend’…. Thank you Lord for Wendy…
It may need dusting and not to everyones taste… but my Lady with balloons now stands on my windowsill as a reminder of Gods goodness and colour returning to my life again. The bud is opening up… the butterfly is coming out of the chrysalis… 😊 Love to you all and thank you for reading and sticking with me.