Bearing All or Baring All?

Each time I feel prompted to write a blog, a phrase comes to mind that in some way links to what I want to share. Today's presented the question is it 'Bearing All', as in carrying/burdened/loaded, or 'Baring All', as in being open/naked/exposed? What has this to do with the walk, was my first thought and then I realised, its both.

When Ken was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, being his Mum, I naturally felt it was up to me to 'make it all ok'. (I didn't realise at the time, thats how I felt). A parents natural reaction to their child's life being threatened, is to protect and find a solution. 'Make their pain go away', take it upon ourselves. That's what a Mum feels from the moment they hold their child for the first time. The umbilical cord is cut but emotionally I don't think it ever is completely. So almost 4 years on since Ken went to be with the Lord I can see that, sub-conciously, I was 'bearing it all'.

Now I feel the Lord wants me to 'bare it all', and by that I mean to be open about the mental breakdown I had due to PTSD almost 2 years ago. Why share this? Because I became agraphobic, had anxiety and panic attacks and required support, (and still do). Worth mentioning that I was a Support Worker at the time of my breakdown. So in 12 days time I will start walking 630 miles mostly on my own so its not suprising that the closer its getting, anxiety attacks are trying to put me off. But that is not going to happen, for I have been blessed with tremendous support from my large family, amazing church family and many friends. Their support along with my desire to raise awareness of Bone Cancer Research Trust and donations for Kens Tribute Fund will keep me on rack.

I plan to start a coun tdown blog from 7 days before I set off so watch this space for more regular updates.